By Bill Harley
Even though this current need to isolate in place to protect the global community from contagion is unprecedented in the modern world, I noticed something remotely familiar about it; and it led me to think about the past.
As a child, I was accustomed to hearing the dreaded parental command, “Go to your room, Billy!” I would climb the steps to my bedroom fuming with anger or shedding tears and sit there sealed off from “the good things” of life. The command would usually be accompanied by phrases such as, “Don’t come back downstairs until you are ready to apologize to your sister” (or mother, father, dog, etc.) or “…until you can express yourself with kindness and courtesy”.
I can still remember how onerous this punishment felt for about 20 minutes; but I couldn’t sustain my anger or sadness much longer than this. In the calm solitude that followed, I would stop thinking about what the other person had done and reflect on my own behavior that had precipitated my imprisonment.
At some point fair-mindedness would take over and I would admit to myself that I was at least partially at fault and needed to do better. Then I would start “trying on” the behavioral requirements my parents had laid down as the keys to regaining my freedom. At first these new behaviors would seem like ill-fitting clothes I wouldn’t want to be seen in; but gradually my “trying on” made them more familiar to the point I could see myself actually “wearing” these new behaviors.
Then I would gather my inner resources, walk to the stairway, and nervously descend into the family community where, in front of the group, I would apologize to my sister or express with courtesy what I had previously said with impudence. Then I would wait for the jury’s verdict—was this new behavior authentic or did I need to return to my room until I could make it so?
A very important part of this process was that, even as a child, I began to appreciate it as a means of making me a better person. Being isolated and forced into reflection by people who cared about my development, choosing to improve myself and then being readmitted into the family fold felt good; and so, hearing the words “Go to your room, Billy!” gradually changed from an altogether negative command to one that was pregnant with possibilities.
These reminiscences led me back to the present; and it occurred to me that in the late winter and early spring of 2020 we are all experiencing a global “Go to your room!” The authorities that be (and common sense) are telling us to stay in our rooms, stay away from the things we habitually do, give up the privileges and freedoms we take for granted and isolate in place.
Initially, this feels like prison. We’re complying with the orders, but angry or crying inside. We’re being forced to “try on” new behaviors: getting acquainted with more solitude, wrestling with a big up-tick in uncertainty, doing without or with less, bumping repeatedly into inconvenience; thinking about the welfare of humanity and not just our own, and, most difficult of all, being alone with our thoughts, feelings and having to reflect on them.
From this reflection may come questions like:
As I work from home with my out-of-school, stir-crazy children racing around me, how am I doing at staying close to each child and guiding her/him as a true parent?
How are my significant other and I doing in terms of making sure we are not only co-workers, but also emotional and spiritual partners?
How can I generate greater financial security for myself and my family?
What path do I need to be following in life so that it will be a path with a heart and not a path that deadens me?
How can I make friends out of stillness and silence?
What is the status of my relationship with my Creator?
Who is there around me that has a more difficult predicament than I do and may need my help?
What spiritual attributes do I need to acquire in order to be of more service to the world of humanity?
As we exercise the courage to reflect and answer questions like these, “the room” we have been sent to becomes more spacious, the walls start to define a creative space, and our True Self increasingly steps forward, claims the hard path of growth and prepares us to be readmitted into the community fold when the pandemic ends. In so doing, the altogether negative command of “Go to your room!” becomes one that is pregnant with possibilities.
To explore these ideas more deeply, read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing? , about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes. It will help you understand that today the world is experiencing a one-size-fits-all, global Wall-Seeking moment collectively, while everyone is simultaneously experiencing tailored Wall-Seeking moments of their own.
To make the most of this understanding, read Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life. It will enable you to make optimal decisions —spiritually, socially and practically—in response to whatever life throws at you.
